Over the last two days I’ve read through the entire nerdfighter secrets archives. I saw a lot of repeated themes and statements, so I wanted to write an open letter to the majority of those submitting their anonymous confessions…
Dear fighters who are nerds with secrets,
None of us have it all figured out. I’m twenty-seven and I still don’t feel like I have it all figured out. I get self-conscious all the time. I still wonder if I’ll be able to make new friends, if people will like me. I worry about losing old friends once they get to know the real me. What if I’m not as “made of awesome” as they thought? What if I’m not as funny or smart or creative as they imagine me in their heads? This is something everyone struggles with. Me. Hank. John. Charlie.
All you can do is what feels right at the time. And most of the time, things work out for the best. But even when it doesn’t, learn what you can from the experience and then put it behind you. I’ve had a lot of shitty days and bad weeks and terrible months. But I wouldn’t be who I am or where I am today if things hadn’t happened exactly as they have. So I regret none of it.
I still feel left out of things all the time. It’s impossible to be included in everything. My friends sometimes work on projects that I don’t get invited to participate in. Sometimes I am left out of conversations. It happens to all of us. But that’s okay. There are plenty of projects I am a part of because I actively pursue projects to work on. If someone is working on something that you feel left out of, or feel like you would enjoy doing, start your own project!
Being friends with someone specific most likely won’t make your life that much better. Don’t get me wrong, I have some incredible friends who inspire me and push me to be the best I can be, and who love me and enrich my life daily. But it’s not because they have a lot of subscribers on YouTube. And it’s not because they were mentioned in a vlogbrothers video. It’s because they are great people who honestly care about me as much as I care about them.
Most popular nerdfighters/YouTubers are not inaccessible. In the past, before I was anyone, before I had any subscribers, I was shocked at how open most popular YouTubers were and how willing they were to collaborate and share their knowledge. Most people love to teach others and share with others what they know. I know I do. Ask almost anyone who has skyped me with a question about video editing or releasing their music or whatever.
It never hurts to ask. It never hurts to write an email. Just remember, these popular YouTubers are people too, with lives that keep them busy and jobs and girlfriends and boyfriends and other emails. So if they happen not to get back to you, that doesn’t mean they are assholes or have “forgotten the little people”, it just means they didn’t get a chance to answer an email.
Most of the nerdfighters I know, big and small, love getting emails, love reading comments, and @replies on twitter and comments on facebook updates. I know I read every single one, and I know I’m not alone. Don’t feel like your voice is unheard, or that your opinions and thoughts don’t matter. They do. Your input shapes the work and projects that other people are working on, even if those people never tell you that it was your comment or your email or your video response.
This letter is in no way meant to belittle the website or anyone who has sent in a secret. Nor should any of this be taken as gospel, it’s just my thoughts after wading through almost 60 pages of secrets. You’re not alone. You’re not any less or any more important than any other nerdfighter. You’re you. And being best friends with Charlie isn’t going to change that.
Best wishes!
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{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }
Thank you so much for being respectful towards NFS. I’m really sick of people bashing it on account of ONE secret. That website has *so* much good in it. Fantastic post, thanks for writing this, Alan.
Ahh, my feelings exactly. People keep saying that it’s “full of negative energy,” “a breeding ground for hate,” etc. But it’s really just an outlet for people who have secrets to share, and like anything else, it has its good aspects and its bad aspects. So yeah. Thanks for not bashing.
Thanks for this, Alan. :)
This was so appropriate, Alan. Thank you for writing it. I think the best bit of advice was saying how not being friends with any one person will make your life entirely better. I like all of the friends I’ve made through YouTube as a whole. You’re awesome.
I think this was very well-put, Alan. :)
I love NFS, and I love this post. I agree that just because someone is super popular on YouTube doesn’t mean that there aren’t not-so-popular awesome people around. The popular ones? They’re just…people. Cool people, but there are other cool people out there.
Reading all of the secrets must have taken a long time (you said two days, but how much of those days?) I subscribed awhile ago and there were only 12 pages then.
This is such a fantastic post. Thank you for so eloquently putting into words the thoughts that have been bubbling around in my head for the past couple of days.
Beatifully said and true for humans of all ages.
I read this as a giant hug to all of Nerdfighteria, reminding all of us that we need to remember to imagine people complexly again. Somewhere along the way, I feel that a lot of Nerdfighters forgot.
Thanks, Alan, just thanks.
Thanks, Alan, this means a lot.
I’ll never forget Nerdfighteria and their inhabitants. DFTBA <3
Words cannot express how this blog makes me feel. So I will try my best to do my feelings justice. The youtubers that I follow have always inspired me to do my best, and I have always saw them as people not “famous.” Having said this I admit when I met Kristina and Luke at one of their concerts I couldn’t help be tickle pink about it, and nervous. Mainly because they were one of the many people who inspired me to give youtube a chance and start my own channel. I feel a little ashamed of myself because I have thought, “ It would be so cool if we were friends,” but I also know that it is normal to have this feeling about people who you look up too. I feel this way about Hayao Miyazaki as well, who first inspired me to draw and write stories. This blog has really opened my eye to something that has been in the back of my mind and out of reach for some time now. I will take this new found knowledge to heart, and I hope that the ones who received negative comments on NFS are ok. No matter what anyone says I know in my heart they are good people who work hard at everything they do.
Have a lovely day Alan; I look forward to reading more of your blog.
Leah.
Thanks for writing this. I read through the entire archive yesterday, after the whole Kristina thing. Yes, that ONE post was maybe not the best thing to put on the internet, but as a whole, I like the site.
I love that you didn’t bash the site, and I think that your advice is fantastic. :)
So very well said Alan. From personal experience I know what you’ve said is true. I love reading NFS and reading your blog. Hope to see you writing more frequently soon?
:)
I like how kristina has opened all our eyes to this incredible place. I have been so inspired by the testimonies on there that I ended up submitting on myself, in the hope that I can inspire someone else that all is not lost, that not everyone is the best person or the most amazing nerdfighter. Where people say that Hank and John have literally saved their lives is truly incredible, and I have to say that were I Hank or John, that would be the best form of flattery. I think that Kristina should have linked to one of the ones where it says that ALL CAPS is inspirational, or that we’re Jealous and want our own “Hey Kristina” song written for us by whomever we nerdfighterlike with. I am now truly addicted to that site, and I have read so many inspirational stories that I wish I had discovered it sooner.
Thank you, Alan. This was a very respectful and eloquent way of expressing your views. It was incredibly helpful, and everything that you said in this post makes it much clearer that you (and other famous youtubers/nerdfighters) are just normal people. But as someone who has submitted a secret to Nerdfighter Secrets about wanting to become friends with famous youtubers/nerdfighters, I just wanted to say that it’s not necessarily because we want them to change our lives or anything like that. It’s just because we watch them and find qualities in them that we really admire. Or maybe they just seem like awesome people, whom we have a lot in common with. Anyway, this post was fantastic! Thank you so much.
DFTBA
Great blog, Alan! There’s one thing I would like to add though. What makes me sad about NFS are all the people who are waiting for The Doctor to come rescue them or for their letter to Hogwarts when those things are obviously fictional. I think these people would be a lot happier if they stopped living in fantasy and comparing themselves to others.
i’m glad you’ve written this. because i feel the need to comment on each of the posts and say something to the one who’s secret it is. but that would take forever and the only way to DO that is to reblog it and i dont need all that spam on my tumblr.
You’re a rockstar, Alan. This post is great. :]
Thanks for this post Alan. It can be a very stressful life making music (or being in a profession that puts you in the public eye) because inevitably you and your work gets scrutinized to the tiniest detail. No matter how big or small other people think of us, we ourselves will always think of ourselves small in comparison to someone else. To get past that feeling I try to look for ways to serve those around me and make their day more awesome, without any expectations of anything in return. When I let my closest relationships falter in pursuit of other desirable but further away people (especially online), I find myself more lonely in the long-run.
You’re so right, Alan, and this was and Awesome post with capital “A”. Thank you so much for taking the time to write it! :)
The main thing I gleaned from reading Nerdfighter Secret was that a lot of people have left because of a community feeling of superiority.
Thank you.
Great blog post Alan.
And I agree with everything Abby says above in her comment.
DFTBA x
Thanks for writing, Alan!
Well said Alan!
You always give off such an inclusive energy. We all feel left out sometimes and we all feel like everyone else is having more fun then us in life… sometimes. Then you hear a person who is warm and inclusive and never really makes anyone feel like they aren’t welcome and we feel better. I am glad to have found you in this wide “inter-world”. Your book has inspired me to vlog, and your projects inspire me to embrace my own form of creativity! I hope someday to have the platform to be inclusive like you, but until then I will just be me, and I know that is what it is really all about!
Well said Alan! You always give off such an inclusive energy. We all feel left out sometimes and we all feel like everyone else is having more fun then us in life… sometimes. Then you hear a person who is warm and inclusive and never really makes anyone feel like they aren’t welcome and we feel better. I am glad to have found you in this wide “inter-world”. Your book has inspired me to vlog, and your projects inspire me to embrace my own form of creativity! I hope someday to have the platform to be inclusive like you, but until then I will just be me, and I know that is what it is really all about!